Some several hours earlier...
Today began great. I woke up inspired and excited to begin Day 1 of Living Yoga's 21 Days of Wellness Program. Within minutes of waking I was up and ready to head off and pick up my fancy little Juices and Spa Meal at Two Mothers. And boy oh boy, have you tried them all yet? Cuz today's makings are FANTASTIC! I hopped my happy little self outta there and hurried home to get my meal planning and grocery list under way. As Claudine said at last night's meeting, pre-planning is everything. And I believe that.
The grocery store itself was a challenge, but it gave me the opportunity to observe my mind, and more importantly, how my selections have been easily manipulated by my wants rather than needs. And to think I always took pride in my routinely meal planning, just to avoid this! The truth is, regardless of how much I stuck to my grocery list, I still always strayed a little bit.
Not today though. Today, with each item I lifted off the shelf, I pondered in thought over the importance of it. If I referred to my grocery list and it was not on there I would think to myself, "Rachel your meals have already been planned. When will you have time to eat this? Chances are it will have the same sad ending as most of my fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants purchases go. It will sit and wilt in it's uselessness until it finds it's grave in the trashcan." And then I would put it back down, right there on the shelf or in the box it had originated from.
As my day progressed I did not find that I struggled with hunger. Rather, I found that my struggle was with my trained cravings. That's right, I said trained. I was not hungry for a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, nor did my stomach beg at the thought of a savory turkey and vegetable sandwich. My belly was satisfied, but my mind wanted more. It only took me observing where in my body I was feeling the urges to realize the difference between my perceived hunger and actual craving. I have to say, it felt pretty darn cool to come to this realization. It was as if I had mastered the program on Day 1. Nothing could get in my way, nothing could make me shutter with the necessity to relapse, nothing except...
Back to the present moment...
You see, this is my fourth time doing this cleanse. In any other situation, or maybe from a different point of view, I could say that it has become easier. However, there has been one challenge that has continued to grow, and grow, and grow with each year. This challenge tugs at my senses and teases my nose hairs - almost so much that they sing for those un-welcomed cravings. My stomach grumbles and torments my soul as I try to convince myself that I am not hungry. All this. All this internal warfare because of one challenge that I face. The one that keeps me hidden away upstairs on a lumpy old couch in a cold bare room. My darn Husband... the Man finally got good at cooking. The problem? He is so damn good at it, he could nurse a Vegan to sleep like a baby with his homemade Au Jus. And tonight's menu features meatballs.
My Mantra Moment (aka my internal dialogue to survive the night)
"My body is worthy of my dedication to wellness. My body is worthy of my dedication to wellness. My body is worthy of my dedication to wellness."
Until next time my fellow cleansers, Namaste,
PS. I thought for a moment I had just lost this entry without saving it and I just about died. THANK YOU UNIVERSE!!!!!